But today, bam! An idea hit me like a storm, at 11:00PM whilst I was trying to get some sleep. And guess what? Here I am at 11 something something PM writing this post down because I can't sleep with an idea in my head. It's a curse, and a blessing I guess.
AHA!
Today's topic, I actually mulled it over for a while, thinking about the appropriateness of the topic, whether it would be opening my own 'pekung' but I thought, this is to be treated as a lesson. I will try to keep that in mind whilst writing this post.
p/s. I really want to write a post in full Malay, but I need to brush up on my Malay I think, you know, artfully, like novel type of Malay, with good grammar and powerful vocabs and stuff like that, because writing in Malay very casually doesn't have the same impact. Well maybe it does but I think I'll make it awkward so let's save that till another day okay? ^^
Confessions of a Kpop Addict.
Every addiction started with something
It started at the end of 2010. I actually came to knew KPOP in 2009 when my sister was watching a DBSK music video, the ever so famous Mirotic (yang tak penah dengar tak payah dok cari pulak), and you know what was my first reaction?
"Apehal gay sangat depa ni?!"
"Ape benda kau tengok ni kakcik? Macam gay gila!"
Okay, so that was the jist of it anyways, I did mention about them looking a bit old and ewwy (read: gross) but whatever. Near the end of 2010, around the week before SPM, everyone in the school had their holidays except for form 5 students. So we literally had the school to ourselves. We studied day and night, partially sleeping, drooling on books, studied in the canteen, dewan makan, dorm room, study room, any other place except for the toilet. :D
It was tiring, and we were allowed to bring our handphones. Mine was handphone cabuk je but my friend, her handphone can have videos in them. So when we were tired from studying and our eyes were sleepy, we would put on Super Junior, or SNSD, on the phone.
And I was like "wow these guys are really handsome!"
That was the beginning.
Exploration and scholarship.
After SPM, I searched and drooled over Super Junior. It didn't really help that my siblings also liked Super Junior and SNSD. My brother sometimes casually puts on SNSD songs. My sister and I would buy klip magazines, and then stick em up onto the walls of our bedroom. We would sing and dance to the songs, normally my sister and I fought a lot, but after we had some common ground which is KPOP, we became really close.
Haha, not a good way to be close huh?
I went into PLKN, so generally no handphones and other electronic junk, but I had an MP4, which I downloaded SJ stuff and SNSD stuff, and we had a television in our PLKN that we could watch on Saturdays and sometimes KPOP stuff comes up and I would be screaming my lungs out, and my PLKN mates would look at me weirdly.
After PLKN, I remember saying to my aunt that I wanted to go to Korea jokingly. Yes, I came to Korea for all the wrong reasons. *sobs*
Applying JPA scholarship seemed to be the easiest thing. I never really thought I could get the offer but like in the blink of an eye, I was packing my bags, going to Seoul, Korea, where all the artists that I love and looked up to lived!
Things got exponentially worse.
Peak of obsession.
First of all, I won't justify my case, but need you all know, I wasn't crazy stalkish kind of fan. I was, out of all my friends, most obsessive, but I can't compare myself to the lot of fans out there that are absolutely insane. That's not the point.
Anyways, I spent most of my time, on the internet, my housemates were naturally worried for me, because it wasn't healthy, the hours I spent on the internet, on tumblr especially. I didn't do my homework, nor did I study, nor did I want to interact with people outside of the virtual world. I hated going outside so much and my relationships with my friends kind of deteriorated. My biggest obsession was DBSK (I'd somehow grown out of Super Junior but I still liked them), and I would just scroll and scroll about DBSK on tumblr.
Naturally I made friends, loads of friends online, people from USA, Croatia, Canada, Germany, UK, Australia, Vietnam, Thailand, Philippines and despite culture differences, we bonded over that. I have to say, I never regretted meeting those people because even if we don't talk about KPOP, we really became good friends.
I have met numerous of artists accidentally or otherwise, been to a tv program and chased them also. I've planned several times to go to a concert, but maybe Allah wanted to protect me, and I failed every time.
I've cried about them, about these artists that have never met me, don't know I exist, but I've cried, dreamed, wished that they knew my existence. I cried because I loved them so much, that it physically hurts, that it was unbearable but at the same time, I couldn't let go.
Isn't that the whole definition of addiction?
Rehabilitation.
Winter of 2012/2013, on February 2013, we had Gyeoul Gathering. It was weeks before my batch, split up to go to our respective new universities, and most of the girls in my batch attended Gyeoul Gathering.
What is Gyeoul Gathering?
Well Gyeoul means winter in Korean, so it's winter gathering and basically it refreshes your soul, puts you back on the straight path (if you really open your heart) and encourages you to throw away all these distractions that are making you further from Allah.
I think, that was my turning point.
It would be an outrageous lie to say that I changed overnight. Or that I managed to not like KPOP overnight. But that camp, gave me a whole new kick to change for the better, and the ustazah that gave us a lecture there, said "Bagi saya, perubahan perlahan-perlahan ni tak ada perubahan." And she said some other stuff but it's hazy so I don't want to misquote her.
Naturally, I disagreed. Because really, a drastic change would only make you revert back to your jahiliyyah right?
Right and wrong I guess.
I didn't change drastically, but what did change drastically was my willpower. Instead of giving excuses, I wanted so badly to be a significance in dakwah and tarbiyah. I wanted to be like my murobbi, oh how I adore her and love her and look up to her because of the trials she faced and the things she had to let go in order to be who she is now.
In the year that I was obsessed with KPOP, I joined usrah. But I wasn't sincere about it. Everyone knew I was the laziest, hardest to get out of the house, with the most excuses.
After Gyeoul Gathering, I had a clear sense of who I wanted to be, of where my talents should be put into, and how I should harnest them.
I didn't actually gave up KPOP after that, I just got really busy with other things, I was more of an active participant in my usrah. Since I live alone in a university with only 7 students, me being the only engineering malay student there, I got lonely, and my heart felt empty, and KPOP didn't fill the emptiness anymore. I went out, stayed at friends' houses, participated in events, got a part time job, and eventually, KPOP had no room in my life anymore.
On weekdays I had school and work, then assignments, cook for myself, and on weekends I had usrah, I had events, I can proudly say I had a life.
It was so liberating, to look at the pictures of artists I adored and not feel a thing anymore.
After that, I started meeting artists on the streets, accidentally.
My murobbi already said to me about this, that when you try to remove your jahiliyyah, Allah will put you through tests, and it was clear as day, that this was a test.
My university is famous for it's artists, and the art department. We have a lot of famous artists studying in the university. I've met some in the campus, and I was intrigued and tempted to say hi, or shake hands, or I don't know, scream my lungs out. But then I didn't see the point of it, being excited didn't feel original, it wasn't genuine. I met an artist while I was jogging, can you imagine that? and I was starstruck for a while, but then it wasn't a big deal anymore.
I have never felt so relieved to let go of something that took so much of my time and energy (and money). I know what it's like for a girl (or guy) to really love their artists, especially KPOP ones because it's just so deceiving.
Why KPOP is an addiction
One of the biggest reasons I think that made KPOP so famous in Malaysia, particularly, is the 'decency' of the music. Compared to western pop culture, Kpop is so flowery, and nice, (when it first started out), and the lyrics weren't about sex, or drugs or alcohol. They were talking about first loves, butterfly in their stomachs (두근두근), everything was happy and rainbow. The music videos weren't as provocative, there were (and I used past tense) no girls with bikinis surrounding guys with cigars, and I think that was one of the factors that made Malaysians think that "Oh it's okay if I like KPOP"
Second is, the 'authenticity' of the artists. Compared to western artists, KPOP stars are generally really open about their personal lives. They go out and greet fans even when they are grocery shopping, they are not ashamed of showing pictures of them without make up, they sometimes update their instagrams, twitters and other things with what normal people would update. The relationship between the kpop groups look genuine (I say look because I don't know how genuine it is but to me it looks genuine), they care and love and support each other that you can never see in the western pop culture. Then the array of reality shows that makes them do stupid things but ultimately it doesn't damage their reputation like it would if a western artist did the same exact thing. These artists seemed to exude normality, imperfection in perfection unlike western artists where they need to appear as perfect as can be. The kpop artists show genuine appreciation and love to their fans, or more genuine than their western counterparts.
There are dozen more reasons, I think, but personally, in my opinion, these were the two main reasons that got Malaysian youth hooked.
It was harmless, until it became too popular for comfort.
Like me, it was harmless, until I became addicted.
It was a really tough jahiliyyah to remove, and sometimes I think I haven't removed it entirely, but my heart hasn't felt so liberated in such a long time, to have bigger dreams other than marry a kpop star, or fantasizing that they would accept Islam, or planning the next time I can meet them.
Now I have bigger dreams, larger ones.
I want Jannah, I want to meet Muhammad SAW, I want to meet my Creator, I want to be one of the reasons that Islam will rise again, I want to be the movers and shakers of the world. I want to die and be remembered as a significance in the muslim society instead of that girl that likes to sit in front of the computer and watch KPOP all day long.
I have bigger plans, and Allah has bigger plans for me.
My murobbi once said to me "You have a whole lot of potential that other people aren't blessed with, but you get so easily distracted by small things, irrelevant things."
When she said that, I realized, that yeah, I have so much potential, and I need to stop harnessing my potential through the wrong channel.
And I think it's high time, that Malaysian youth should do the same. Change is really hard, removing things that are distracting and bad for you, is one of the hardest things to do. But it's really now or never. No more excuses, the pain to leave hurts, but the aftermath is blissful. It's like I can finally live again.
May Allah forgive my past sins, and make me one of the movers and shakers of this world, and a resident of Jannah in the next.
May Allah give readers of this article the strength to overcome their jahiliyyah, and remove the impurities from their hearts and ultimately become the assets of Islam and of course, residents of Jannah.
Amin.
Let's reside together in Jannah, okay?
"Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried? But we have certainly tried those before them and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars."
[Surah Al Ankabut:2-3]
Wallahu'alam
Assalamualaikum
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