Have you ever tried to hit a mosquito? With only one hand? Scientifically, the mosquito will not die from the impact. Why?
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
When you hit a mosquito with only one of your hand, the opposite reaction would be the mosquito 'hitting' your hand back with the same amount of force. But since the size of the mosquito is a lot smaller than your hand, the force of the mosquito high fiving you is barely recognizable. The force which you exerted on the mosquito, however big it maybe, cannot kill the mosquito because only a small surface area of your hand makes contact with the mosquito, the rest of the force is lost to the air surrounding it.
Confusing? Yeah, I don't like physics either.
Let's look at another way of looking at this topic, a universal example that is easier to understand.
Love. Or more specifically, unrequited love.
A tale of unrequited love
So you like a guy/girl. (Let's use a girl's point of view)
So you like a guy. The guy is everything you've ever dreamed of, he's pious (which is the most important thing kan?), he's smart, clever, charismatic, funny, friendly (but not too), responsible, has good leadership skills, and to top everything all off, he's pretty good looking. (Life isn't fair is it?)
And you? Well, you know he would never go for a girl like you. You're nothing bad or anything, you just know that chances are, he wouldn't like you. You're not as pious as he is, you're not that smart or clever, you're clumsy and forgetful, you're maybe a bit introvert, a bit shy, a bit awkward, a bit forgettable.
Or maybe you're loud, too friendly (unlike him), you're outstanding, your determination sometimes scares people, your dominating, you are always on top of everyone, and as you've read in magazines many times, guys don't like girls who are better than them. You're not that pious either.
So one day, you manage to scrap all your courage, pick it up from places you've never known, gathered all the strength you have, and confessed. For some strange reason, you decided you needed to confess, he needed to know how you feel, and you needed to know what he thinks about you.
Readers, this isn't a fairytale where the girl who confesses gets the guy, or the guy somehow knows the girl likes him and confesses first, unrequited love, unfortunately, almost always ends in a sadly ever after.
So he rejects you. You should have known. You were actually prepared for rejection, you KNEW in your heart of hearts, he would never like you. And blasted guy, he didn't even reject you badly. He let you down gently, with the cliche sentence "I really like us to be friends", or "you'll find a better guy", or "I don't deserve you."
You can't even hate him for rejecting you because he rejected so nicely.
What in the absolute world has this got anything to do with Newton's Third Law?
No matter how much you love someone, if he doesn't love you in the same intensity, it will not work out. No matter how much you pursue him, or you show your love, if he doesn't reciprocate, it wouldn't work out. In Malay it's called bertepuk sebelah tangan. Or menepuk seekor nyamuk (okay not really)
Because like the mosquito you tried to hit with one of your hand, there will be no outcome from the love you chase from a guy that doesn't love you back.
the size of the mosquito is small, just like the amount of love he has for you, small.
The mosquito doesn't die, you don't get the love you should receive.
And you know what?
It's not the end of the world.
It's not your fault.
Usually, the aftermath is you hating yourself. Why doesn't he like me? What is wrong with me? Your confidence level goes down the drain and you can't even hate him for doing that because it's not his fault.
But guess what?
It's not yours either. You cannot blame yourself for what has happened. It's not because of you he doesn't love you. It's because he doesn't love you, simple as that. You cannot force someone to love someone else, and it's nothing from your personality that makes him not love you.
You shouldn't change your personality, just because you think it'll please him.
"I should become more outgoing, that way he'll notice me."
"I should become more knowledgeable, that way he'll think I'm smart."
"I should become less friendly, that way he'll think I'm sopan perempuan melayu terakhir." (I have no idea how to say this in English please excuse me.)
You shouldn't change your good traits, traits that make you who you are today, traits that other people value in you just because you want to appeal more to him. If you have a bad trait, then change is not because of him, it's for your self, for your own self satisfaction. Because if you seek his approval, you may not get it, and you may end up disappointed or worse, angry.
The thing is, someone, somewhere out there, is going to love you for who you are, for all the good and bad traits you have, because some of your good traits are his bad ones and some of his good ones are your bad ones. And then you'll grow together, improving on your good traits, because you'll find someone who will complete you, not try to change the person you already are.
"But I think he is the one for me."
But he doesn't think that does he? And like Newton's Third Law, no matter how much you love him, or how much you think he's the one for you, if he doesn't think the same, then it's no use is it?
My liver hurts (read: sakitnya hati)
Sakit kan? Sakitnya bila cinta kita bertepuk sebelah tangan. Buat orang yang tak pernah merasa, memang tidak akan memahami. Lebih menyakitkan sebab tiada siapa yang sebenar-benarnya tahu rasa sakit. Dan tiada siapa pun boleh mengubati hati kita bila sakit macam ini.
Kita berazam nak lupakan dia, tetapi bukan semudah itu, sementara dia pula langsung tidak terasa apa-apa. Hidup dia berjalan seperti biasa, kalau dia kawan kita, dia tegur kita seperti biasa, sementara kita ni hati rasa macam disiat-siat.
Kita cuba macam-macam cara untuk lupakan dia, tetapi alahai hati, kita rindukan dia, kita teringatkan dia, kita mengintip fesbuk dia, kita mengintai twitter dia, kita menghendap instagram dia, kadang-kadang kita buat-buat terserempak dengan dia kalau satu university, dan kita geram dengan diri sendiri.
Kita nak hilangkan rasa sakit di hati, tetapi kita tak mampu nak lepaskan dia. Sedangkan lagi lama kita pegang, lagi sakit, macam pegang pokok berduri, lagi kuat kita genggam, lagi berdarah jadinya.
Jadi macam mana?! Rasa macam nak marah-marah dia sebab dia tak rasa sakit yang kita lalui sebab dia. Dia tidak memahami, apatah lagi nak membantu. Dia buat kerja macam biasa, tegur kita macam biasa, layan kita macam biasa, seolah-olah tiada apa berlaku dan itu lagi membuatkan kita mengharap, manalah tau satu hari nanti dia akan jatuh cinta dengan kita macam mana kita jatuh cinta dengan dia. Perlahan, tapi kalau kita usahakan, manalah tau. Jodoh tak datang bergolek kan?
Bila sakit, kena makan ubat, walaupun ubat itu pahit.
Kebanyakan perkara dalam dunia ni, kalau benda tu tak best, selalunya baik untuk kita. Ubat, homework, exercise, dan sebagainya.
Hati tengah parah ni kawan, sebab cinta tidak berbalas. Kita kena buat apa? Lupakan dia. Macam mana nak lupakan dia? Delete dia dari hidup kita. Jangan contact dia, jangan tweet dia, jangan berbalas mesej dengan dia.
Sebab apa?
Sebab kita nak jaga hati. Mula-mula tu memang sakit, tak cakap dengan dia, apatah lagi kalau kita suka pada bestfriend kita kan? atau kita ada hubungan professional dengan orang itu. Tapi kita lemah, jadi kita kena jauhkan diri daripada dia, untuk menjaga hati kita. Walaupun berjauhan itu sakit, dan tidak berkomunikasi dengan dia itu pedih, kita tahu, kalau kita tak kawal diri kita, kita tak jaga hati kita, yang parah berdarah bernanah nanti bukan dia, tapi kita.
[...Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.]
(Surah. Al Baqarah:216)
Dia jodoh kita ke tak ke, tu belakang cerita. Kalau dia terbuka hati untuk kita, Alhamdulillah, kalau tidak, tak apa, kita tak tahu apa yang Allah sediakan untuk kita.
Yang penting, sucikan hati. Bila semua benda kita fikir adalah tentang dia, maknanya ada masalah dengan hati kita. Kita yang kena mujahadah, kita yang kena jaga hati kita, bukan orang lain, mengadu macam mana pun dekat orang lain, orang lain tak mampu untuk menghilangkan perasaan kita pada dia, atau menyembuhkan rasa sakit.
Berdoalah pada Allah supaya kita dapat yang terbaik, dan hati kita dapat disembuhkan, dan perasaan kita tak sakit. Berdoalah supaya Allah menjaga hati kita, sebab bila kita berangan pasal dia, kita takkan terfikir tentang Allah.
Kitalah yang kena jaga hati kita, kita yang kena bertindak active untuk menjaga hati kita, jangan tipu diri sendiri seolah-olah mesej dan tweet dan gambar dan perjumpaan dengan dia tidak menggugat hati kita. Kita berusaha sekarang, kita sakit sekarang, kita parah sekarang disebabkan kita tak dapat berjumpa, bergurau dengan dia tapi bila kita berusaha untuk menjaga hati kita, Allah tahu usaha hamba-hambaNya. Jagalah hati kita kerana Allah, insyaAllah, Dia akan menyembuhkan hati kita, kerana Allah itu Maha Penyembuh.
Penuhkan waktu-waktu kita dengan zikir, dengan ayat Al-Quran, dengan Selawat, dengan ilmu Allah. Tambahkan ilmu dunia kita, tambahkan ilmu akhirat kita, kuatkan benteng hati kita. Mungkin Allah datangkan dia sebagai ujian, dan Allah rindukan rintihan hambaNya. Sebab apa? Kebanyakan masalah lain, kita boleh minta tolong manusia. Duit, rumah, pelajaran, kawan, masalah-masalah itu semua kita boleh minta orang lain bantu sampaikan ada yang melampaui batas.
Sedangkan hati?
Kita minta tolong orang lain pun, takkan siapa dapat menolong. Kita merayu pada manusia, tiada yang dapat menyembuh sakit di hati, bahkan orang yang kita suka sekalipun tak mampu menolong kita. Hanya Allah.
Percayalah, sakit mujahadah sekarang, manisnya akan terasa. Mungkin bukan sekarang, tetapi pada masa akan datang, ataupun memang manisnya ada sekarang tetapi kita yang tidak perasan.
Omputeh kata,
"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."
And love shouldn't kill you, it should make you stronger.
Wallahualam.
Assalamualaikum.
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